


mating calls

by citizen101erased



Series: Dan & Phil drabbles [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 fic, 5+1 Fic, Fluff, Gay animals, Getting Together, M/M, animal facts, bad flirting through animal facts, by which I mean I have no idea when phones got email just bear with me okay, gratuitous abuse of artistic freedom when it comes to available technology, making animal sounds, mentions of family members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22641406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citizen101erased/pseuds/citizen101erased
Summary: 5 times Dan loved Phil’s subtle attempts at flirting through animal facts, and one time he didn’t.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: Dan & Phil drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1132286
Comments: 14
Kudos: 69





	mating calls

**Author's Note:**

> I still have major writer's block so I'm hoping to write myself out of it with some silly drabbles. This is one of them. Don't expect any quality. (This is also unbetad, so all mistakes are mine.) 
> 
> There are a lot of animal facts in this fic. I did my best to research them at least somewhat, though there might still be some mistakes in here. I’ve put a lot of sources in the endnotes, for those of you interested!

1.

_Did you know chickens are technically dinosaurs_

The text comes in at 3am, while Dan is most definitely not sleeping, which is most definitely going to mess him up tomorrow at work. But he’s been up, talking back and forth in Twitter DMs with Phil. They just exchanged phone numbers an hour ago, and Dan’s been a nervous wreck ever since. 

But leave it to Phil to start a conversation with some kind of animal fact. 

_i didnt! tell me more_ he texts back after clutching his phone for a split second like a lovesick teenage girl. Although he supposes that’s not that far off from the truth, come to think of it. 

His phone pings again, and Dan first just sees a large block of text when he opens what Phil sent him. He rubs his eyes to try and get rid of some of the blurriness, then sits back against his pillows to read it. 

_Apparently they’re basically t-rexes. Some scientist actually put fake dinotails on some chicken butts and filmed it and they walk just like t-rexes. They think that if they ‘nudge’ the dna of chicken embryos they might be able to create actual little dinosaurs. Can you imagine!!! I want a pet dino now :( oh! And another fact! One of the scientists working on this was an advisor on the jurassic park movies. You’d think he would know better._

It’s hard to believe he just got a text from AmazingPhil, on his own phone, talking about pet dino’s, yet here he is. 

This isn’t helping the crush he’s been developing on Phil. 

Then Phil tells him to check his email. He opens it on his laptop, to find an email from Phil filled with very badly made edits, including one of a chicken head on a dino body, put on Phil’s shoulder in a screenshot from one of his videos. 

Dan groans. Seriously? Of all the people he could’ve gotten a crush on. 

2\. 

_Apparently in Japan there are monkeys that use the hot spring baths_

_Nice and cozy in the hot water while snow is falling around them_

_I want to go to Japan and sit in a warm bath while snow is falling around me_

This time the texts come in during the day, while Dan is pretending to be going through job adverts. He’s actually been procrastinating this whole time by staring off into nothing and thinking about last night’s conversation with Phil. 

_damn that sounds like the best life,_ he texts back. 

_One day, we could be like those monkeys and enjoy the hot springs in Japan together_ Phil says. 

Well if Dan wasn’t sure if Phil was flirting or not, he’s pretty sure now. 

_omg yes i want to go to japan. just dont think im ever going to groom you like a monkey._

It takes a moment for Phil to reply. Dan hopes it’s because he’s laughing too hard. 

He wishes he could hear that laugh. 

Phil texts back again. _aw too bad :( can we still sit in the hot springs together though? I’d be okay with a hot bath too_

_phil were too big for a regular bath_

_well we just have to cuddle up closely then ;)_

3.

Dan is slowly drifting off to sleep after being on Skype with Phil for so long his mum had to come in and tell him off, when his laptop let’s him know he got an email. 

It’s from Phil. 

In it, there’s a picture of two otters, drifting on the water. 

_Did you know otters hold hands while they sleep?_

_I’d like to hold your hand while we sleep._

Dan smiles before quickly typing out a reply. He falls asleep with a smile, feeling happier than he’s done in a long, long time. 

_thats so cheesy. i love it. you know we’d be way cuter than those otters_

4\. 

They’re talking on Skype - again - and it’s way past midnight - _again_ , when Phil suddenly says: “did you know baby sloths make a really cute sound?” 

“No way,” Dan says. “Sloths are totally quiet. I don’t believe you.” 

“They do!” Phil exclaims, bouncing on his bed way too excitedly for a 22-year-old who’s talking about sloths at 2 am. Sometimes Dan wonders which of them is really the older one. 

Then Phil starts making strange sounds that definitely don’t sound like cute baby sloth sounds to Dan. 

“Phil, for fucks sake, stop. You pervert,” Dan laughs, much too loudly. His mum’s going to be pissed off again, especially if he wakes up Adrian, but right now Dan doesn’t care. 

Phil just winks and continues. 

Dan thinks he might be in love. 

5\. 

_Apparently about 90% of giraffes have gay sex_

This time, the text comes in while Dan is in the line at Starbucks to pick up drinks for him and Phil. 

_there’s absolutely no way that’s true_ Dan texts back quickly, before placing the orders for his own, normal hot chocolate and Phil’s sugary monstrosity. 

“First of all,” Dan starts when he returns to the table with their drinks. “I pity your arteries. Secondly, ninety fucking percent? I refuse to believe that.” 

Phil takes a careful sip of his drink before sighing contentedly and sitting back in his chair. 

“It’s true, though,” he says, wrapping his hands around the mug. “There’s more gay animals out there than you’d think. But giraffes are definitely some of the gayest.” He nods solemnly. 

Dan thinks it’s unfair for anyone to look so beautiful while talking about gay giraffes.

* * *

+1 

“Did you know that-” Phil starts, before Dan shushes him by putting his hand on Phil’s mouth. He tries not to blush too much at the thought of Phil’s mouth on his skin, or at the sight of Phil’s big, blue eyes staring right into his own. 

They’re on the Manchester wheel, on what should be a romantic end to what’s possibly the best of Dan’s life.

“I know you were about to tell me another weird animal fact,” Dan says as Phil nods slowly behind Dan’s hand. “But, I have a different idea.” Phil raises an eyebrow in question. 

“I’m going to take away my hand, and instead, I’m going to kiss you.” He doesn’t know where he’s getting this sudden wave of courage from, but he’ll be damned if he isn’t going to use it to its full advantage. 

Phil nods again, eyes growing impossibly bigger. Dan pushes down on all the nerves rushing through his body. All those years of experience in suppressing emotions have to be good for something, after all. 

He takes away his hand slowly, and doesn’t miss Phil’s sharp intake of breath, before he’s leaning in and pressing his own lips to Phil’s. 

This kiss is everything Dan has wanted and nothing like he thought a kiss could be. He feels himself melt into it, feels Phil’s hands moving slowly down his back before coming to rest on his hips, feels Phil’s lips open slightly.

It feels like it simultaneously lasts forever and is over in a split second, and before he knows it, they’re back down and the door to their carriage is being opened by a disgruntled man who doesn’t look surprised in the slightest. 

They walk aimlessly through the streets of Manchester for a while, before finding their way to the train station, where they stand still, looking awkwardly at each other. 

“So I guess we’re just like those gay giraffes,” Phil says suddenly. Dan gasps, pretending to be affronted. 

“Excuse me? We kiss, and that’s what you have to say?” He shrieks while Phil just laughs. 

“What! We’re tall, gangly and gay. Just like the giraffes.” 

“Do I need to kiss you again to shut you up.” 

“Do you really need to ask?” 

Afterwards, when Dan is on the train back to Reading, still feeling all warm and giddy, his phone pings with another text. 

_Did you know a lot of animals mate for life. Penguins give each other pebbles. There’s a lot of gay penguins, too._

Dan smiles, and texts back _I really like you, too._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading uh..whatever this is lmao. If you liked it, feel free to [reblog on Tumblr!](https://throwing-roses-into-the-abyss.tumblr.com/post/190743988832/mating-calls)
> 
> Sources:  
> T-rex chickens:  
> https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dino-chickens-are-coming_b_13468148  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Horner_(paleontologist)  
> https://www.kent.ac.uk/news/science/3384/chickens-closer-to-dinosaurs-than-other-birds  
> Macaque monkeys bathing in Japan:  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jigokudani_Monkey_Park  
> Cute picture of otters holding hands: https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/86578/50-incredible-animal-facts-youll-want-share  
> Baby sloths squeaking:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aYnDI1MDk8  
> Gay giraffe sex  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals#Giraffes  
> https://www.theguardian.com/science/shortcuts/2019/oct/29/99-per-cent-giraffes-gay-loving-looks-misunderstood


End file.
